Laverne and Shirley Fan Fiction: A Promise Broken

A Promise Broken (How Boo Boo Kitty Got His Name)

Written by: S. Wilhelmina Feenster

Scene 1 [Shirley's daughtar "Emily's" bedroom - 1971]

Shirley, who is located somewhere overseas, tucks her 5 year old daughtar, Emily, into her warm and cozy bed. Shirley is wearing her button down pajamas underneath her pink bathrobe.

Emily: Mommy, tell me a story.

Shirley: Well, let me see... I know! I'll tell you the story of how Boo Boo Kitty got his name.

Emily: Okay.

Shirley: Well, it all began when I was your age. Your grandfather had thrown a birthday party for me... [continues story and fades]

[Shirley's birthday - 1943]

Jack Feeney has little Shirley on his lap. He starts singing "Daddy's Little Girl" and rocks her back and forth in the little wooden rocking chair. When the song is over, he hugs her tight, and gives her a kiss.

Jack: Oh, my little sweet pea. Daddy loves you so much.

Shirley: I love you too, daddy.

jack: How much?

Shirley: (opens her little arms as far as they could reach) This much.

Jack: That's my little girl. (looks into her eyes) Remember this, pumpkin. I'll always be there for you. I'm never going anywhere.

Shirley: I know, daddy. I'll never leave you either.

He poured Shirley a cup of lemonade while he drank a cup of scotch.

Jack: Let me make a toast. (holds up his cup) To always being there for all your birthdays to come.

Shirley: (holds up her cup) And Christmas.

Jack: And Christmas too.

They tap their cups together. Jacks puts his drink down and rocks Shirley to sleep. [fades out]


Scene 2 [The Feeney Home - 1950]

Everyone is gathered around Shirley's birthday cake singing "Happy Birthday." She is sitting and trying to be happy. She thinks back to when she was 5 years old and how her father made a promise to her. But on her 9th birthday, he broke that promise. For 3 years, Shirley's father has been too busy overseas for her birthdays. He only visits once or twice a month. While overseas, her sends her sea memoribilia which she sleeps with under her pillow. When everyone stopped singing, Shirley blew out the candles, and made a wish. She opened her presents, sat in the corner, and cried. The guests all left and shirley was left with a handful of tissues. Laverne, her one true friend, walked over to Shirley with a trash can.

Laverne: This is for your tissues.

Shirley: (sniffles) He didn't come to my birthday party.

Laverne: Maybe he's fighting off pirates or somethin'.

Shirley: Oh, Vernie, he promised.

Laverne: Hey, Shirl. Let's go down to the Pizza Bowl and have a pizza. My pop will free up a bowling lane for us.

Shirley: I can't. (she puts her hands in her lap and rests her head on them) I don't think he even remembered.

Laverne: Shirl, he remembered. The pirates probably...

Shirley: Would you stop with the pirate story?! Daddy's a sailor, not Peter Pan!!

Shirley's mother, Lily Feeney, strolled out of the kitchen carrying a beautifully wrappped box with fish and shell designs on it.

Lily: Shirley, dear. This package came for you today.

Shirley held the package in her lap. A tag was attached and she read it. [reads] "To my tiny little tea cup* Love, Daddy."

Shirley: (with a huge smile on her face) It's from daddy!! (she ripped through the paper and opened the box) Oh! It's so wonderful! (she pulled from the box a stuffed cat with yellow, a red nose, a red mouth, and a yellow ribbon around it's neck) I love it! (she hugged the cat and kissed it) Oh, I have to show her my room. (to Laverne) Coming, Vernie?

Laverne: Yeah.

Scene 3 [Shirley's room]

Shirley and Laverne and play with her new toy. Christopher and Bobby come out of the ajoined bathroom with one of Shirley's cupie dolls. They see that Shirley is in her room, drop the doll, and run.

Shirley: Hey, what are you doing? (she gets up and grabs the doll from off the floor) Her arms are missing. (she hears giggling) Bobby! Christopher! Get in here now!! (Bobby peaks his head in) What happened to my cupie doll?

Bobby: She had a little accident.

Shirley: What kind of accident? Her arms are missing!

Bobby: Pirates captured her and she had to walk the plank. Then a gigantic crocodile ate both of her arms off. They were flushed at sea.

Shirley: Where's Chris?

Bobby: Playing cars and trucks, Captain. (he salutes her) May I go back on deck?

Shirley: Go ahead. (to Laverne) You know what?

Laverne: What?

Shirley: He's going to make some sailor.

Laverne: But he's so short. (brief pause) What are you going to name your cat?

Shirley: I don't know, how about Harvey?

laverne: Caron? The Eagle Scout?

Shirley: I like that name.

Laverne: Why don't you name him Carmine then?

Shirley: Ragusa? No, way.

Laverne: He's cute.

Shirley: I know, but I want the perfect name. It will come to me. (gets up off the bed) Let's go bowl.

Scene 4 [The Pizza Bowl]

The place is pretty full. Laverne and Shirley walk in and sit down. Frank appoaches them.

Frank: Hi, Laverne.

Laverne: Hi, Pop.

Frank: (to Shirley) Happy Birthday, Shirley.

Shirley: Thank you, Mr. De Fazio.

Frank: I'll make you a pepperoni pizza.

He went into the kitchen. Lenny and Squiggy run through the Pizza Bowl with water guns. They squirt all the customers.

Squiggy: Ah - ha! (looks at the girls) Lenny, I have spotted girls. Let's get'em.

They squirt Laverne and Shirley in the face.

Shirley: Stop it!!

Squiggy: What's the matter, Girlie Shirley?

Shirley: Don't call me that!

Squiggy: Okay, Shirley the squirrelie.

Laverne: Hey, Squiggy, do you want a black eye?

Lenny: Say no.

Squiggy: No.

Laverne: Get out!

Laverne began to swing her arm back and they ran. A while later, Harvey Caron, who was in his eagle scout uniform, sat down at a table with Carmine Ragusa.

Shirley: There's Harvey. (leans to Laverne) Don't look. He's sitting with Carmine. (rests her chin on her hand) He looks so cute in his uniform.

Laverne: You're not going to dress up like an old lady and have him help you across the street again, are you?

Shirley: No, I'm more mature now, Laverne.

Laverne: If you're so mature, then why are you wearing a bib?

Shirley: It's napkin, Laverne. My mother told me not to get dirty. (she took it off) I'll just be more careful until he leaves. (places napkin in her lap) Here, the napkins in my lap. It's less conspicuous there.

Laverne: What's conspic - shus mean?

shirley: It's conspicuous. It means "easily seen," you know, "visible?"

Laverne: Oh. You sure do know a lot of big words, Shirl.

Shirley: Well, everyday I open up a dictionary and learn a new word. (glances at Harvey) Uh, oh.

Laverne: What?

Shirley: Carmine's coming over here.

Carmine: Hi, Shirley. Hi, Laverne.

Laverne: Hello, Carmine.

Carmine: Happy Birthday, Shirley. I'll be 12 in two weeks. (brief pause) Are you going to the 6th grade dance?

Shirley: I don't know.

Carmine: Well, if you're not going with anybody, do you want to go with me?

Shirley: I guess.

Carmine: (smiling) Okay. [sings] "I know I'd go from rags to riches. If you would only say you cared..."

He left.

Laverne: He has a nice voice.

Shirley: Laverne, I want to go with Harvey.

Laverne: Where?

Shirley: To the 6th grade dance.

Laverne: But you told Carmine you'd go with him.

Shirley: I know, but he'll understand. (she gets up) I'll talk to him. (walks to his table) Hi, I'm Shirley Feeney.

Harvey: Hi.

Shirley: (notices he's reading "Black Beauty") Oooh, Black Beauty. I just love that book. I've read it 5 times.

Harvey: My class has to read it. I personally think the book stinks. It's not like "Tom Sawyer." But I guess everybody has to suffer through it sometime in their life, right?

Shirley forces a nod. She gets up and sits next to Laverne.

Shirley: Laverne, he hates "Black Beauty."

Laverne: It's a sad story.

Shirley: I'm glad I'm going with Carmine.

Laverne: Hey, Shirl. Let's go climb trees in Phister Park later.

Shirley: I don't want to.

Laverne: Why not?

Shirley: I'll get scabs. I'm not allowed to have scabs.

Scene 5 [Shirley's House - The night before the big dance]

Lily Feeney cracks open Shirley's bedroom door and sees that Shirley is reading "Tom Sawyer."

Lily: Shirley Wilhelmina Feeney. What is that you're reading?

Shirley: Uh, "Tom Sawyer."

Lily: How many times have I told you, "Tom Sawyer" is NOT for little girls.

Shirley: But I'm 12.

Lily: I don't care if you're 25. I don't want you reading that book. (she takes it away from Shirley and heads for the door) Oh, by the way, you father called and said he's coming home tomorrow. So get plenty of rest.

She turned out the light and shut the door. Shirley sat up in bed and turned on her lamp. She then leaped up and jumped on her bed with joy. While jumping, one of the shells her father sent her came out from under the pillow. It broke into many pieces on the hard wood floor. Her mother comes in her room again.

Lily: Shirley, dear, are you okay? I heard a crash.

Shirley: I'm fine.

Lily: Good. Well, goodnight.

Shirley: (yawns) Goodnight.

Lily closes the door. Shirley gets up, grabs her stuffed cat, and goes back to bed.

Scene 6 [Laverne's house - Afternoon]

Shirley comes home with Laverne to tell Frank the good news about her father, but he's at the Pizza Bowl. Laverne fixes popcorn and they sit on the couch.

Laverne: What time is your father coming?

Shirley: I don't know exactly. (brief pause) I guess I shouldn't stay here too long.

There's a knock at the door. Shirley gets up and answers it. A skinny tall blonde stands with scratches all over her.

Laverne: What happened to you?

Terry Buttafucco: I was playing with the cat next door. He got a little ruff. But don't worry, I didn't feel a thing. I don't know the meaning of the word "pain."

Laverne: Come in.

Shirley took one look at Terry and fell over.

Terry: What's the matter with her?

Laverne: She can't stand the site of blood.

Shirley: It's positively nauseating.

Terry: Hey, I heard you're going to the dance with Carmine.

Shirley: Yeah.

Shirley gets up off the floor and notices she landed in the popcorn. She picks up every piece from off the floor.

Laverne: Who are you going with, Ter?

Terry: Lenny and Squiggy.

Laverne: No, really, who?

Terry: I'm not joking. I'm going to the dance with Lenny and Squiggy.

Shirley: (laughing hysterically) Lenny and Squiggy? The two boys who walk around the cafeteria with their eye lids sticking out?

Terry: Yeah. (brief pause) Who are you going with, Laverne?

Laverne: Ronny Morhead.

Terry: Hey, he's cute. (brief pause) Have you ever kissed a boy?

Shirley: Laverne?! She's been using the old pucker since she was 10.

Laverne: Well...

Terry: What if Lenny and Squiggy...

Shirley: (makes a disgusted face) EW! Don't do that!! They're...

Laverne: (she puts her hand over Shirley's mouth) What Shirley's trying to say is don't rush into things. Lenny and Squiggy aren't exactly first kiss material.

Terry: Who is?

Shirley: I'm glad you asked. I always carry along a picture of Frank Sinatra. (takes out a piture of him) Now, what you do is...

Laverne: You don't know what you're doing. Besides, who have you kissed? (she gets ready to speak) Besides your father.

Shirley: I have you know that I've kissed many guys.

Laverne: Who?

Shirley: Well, there's... okay, I haven't kissed a guy.

Laverne showed Terry and Shirley how to kiss. After Their lesson, Shirley went home to see her father.

Scene 7 [Shirley's house]

Shirley gets to the door and hears "Daddy's Little Girl" playing in the background. She opens the door and sees her father sitting on the couch. With a huge smile and her arms opened wide, she runs straight to him.

Shirley: Daddy!

Jack: Pumpkin!

Shirley lands in his lap with hugs and kisses.

Shirley: I'm so happy to see you, daddy! (looks up at him) Am I still your sweet pea?

Jack: Never stopped. (hugs her)

Lily comes into the livingroom with a plate full of cookies and milk.

Shirley: Thank you, mommy.

Lily: Do you have your dress picked out for tonight?

Shirley: Yes.

Lily goes into the bedroom.

Jack: Are you going somewhere?

Shirley: The 6th grade dance.

Jack: That's great, pumpkin. Who are you going with?

Shirley: Carmine Ragusa.

Jack: Your boyfriend?

Shirley: No, daddy. He just happened to ask me.

Jack: Well, he's a very lucky boy. I'd like to meet him before I leave.

Shirley: When do you have to leave?

Jack: Tomorrow.

Shirley: Tomorrow? Well, I guess you can meet him tonight.

Jack: All right, pumpkin. (gets up) I've got to be going now.

Shirley: Where are you going?

Jack; Daddy has to make a few stops before you leave tonight, okay?

Shirley: You'll be here later, right?

Jack: I promise.

Lily listens at the door and hears what he says. She comes out and excuses Shirley to her bedroom.

Lily: Michael J. Feeney, why do you do this, huh?

Jack: What are you talking about?

Lily: You know, darn well, what I'm talking about. You come here and visit with the kids, make promises you can't keep to Shirley, then walk out the door. When is this going to end?

Jack: I said, I'll be back.

Lily: Yes, that's what you say, but in your case, it's easier said then done. I know what you do, Jack Feeney.

Jack: What?

Lily: You go to some bar and get drunk. After that, you go back to the sea and leave poor Shirley broken hearted. I've seen it everytime. You put the sea before your kids.

Jack: That's not true, Lillian. I love all my kids and would never hurt them purposely.

Lily: But, you do, Jack! You don't see the disappointment on their faces when you don't show up. They love you so much and it hurts me to think that you about to disappoint them again.

Jack: Tell Shirley, I'm sorry.

Lily: Sorry? Do you think that "sorry" is going to fix things?!

Jack: Geez, Lillian, what more do you want?

Lily: I want you to put your children first!!

Jack: I'll be here tonight, okay?

Lily: But if you're not...

Jack: What?

Lily: You can just leave and never come back.

Shirley went to get a drink of water and heard he mother say those words.

Shirley: No, Mommy! Don't say that! I don't ever want him to leave! Please don't leave me, daddy!

Jack: I will never leave you, sweet pea. (he hugs her) Now, go to your room and I'll be home later.

Shirley takes her water back to her room and Lily stares at Jack.

Lily: Do you see what you've caused? (brief pause) For her sake, I hope you do come back.

He left and Lily went into her bedroom.

Scene 8 [Shirley's house - 7:30pm]

Shirley is in her bedroom looking at herself in the mirror while wearing her pink frilly - laced dress. She felt just like Cinderella going to the ball. She picks up her stuffed cat, picked put a yellow dress from one of her many dolls, and put it on the cat. In the other room, Lily sits and thinks how broken hearted Shirley's going to be when she finds out that her father stood her up...again. There is a knock at the door. Lily answers and Carmine is standing in the doorway with a corsage and a box of chocolates.

Lily: Hello, Carmine. Come in. You sure do look handsome in that tux. (she closes the door) Shirley's still in her bedroom. Sit down and make yourself at home.

Carmine: (sits down on the couch) Thank you, Mrs. Feeney.

She goes into Shirley's bedroom. A few minutes pass and Shirley makes her way into the livingroom.

Carmine: (standing up and looks at Shirley adoringly) You look gorgeous.

Shirley: (smiling) So do you.

Carmine: Um, here's your corsage. (he hands her the box) I brought you candy too.

Shirley: (taking the items) Thank you, Carmine.

Lily: Well, shouldn't you two be on your way?

Shirley: Mama, Laverne's dad's picking us up, remember?

Lily: Oh, yes.

Shirley: I hope daddy gets here before we leave. (to Carmine) You'd like daddy. Here's a sailor and he travels around a lot. I think he's been all alone.

Carmine: My dad stays at home. He don't do much traveling. Unless it's to buy more beer.

There's a knock at the door.

Shirley: (gets up) Oh, I hope it's daddy! (she answers the door and Laverne stands with Terry) Hi, Laverne. Hi, Terry.

Laverne: You look so bea- u - tiful in that dress.

Shirley: Thank you, so do you. Blue has always been your color.

Shirley: (to Terry) That's a pretty red dress you have on.

Terry: Thanks Shirley. I wore it in case Lenny nd Squiggy try to squirt ketchup all over me again.

Laverne: Hi, Mrs. Feeney.

Lily: Hello, Laverne.

Laverne: Are you ready, Shirl?

Shirley: My father isn't here yet.

Lily: Go ahead. If he comes, I'll have him stay till you come home.

Shirley: If? (brief pause) Mama, he promised he'd be here. I'll just... (Laverne gave her a look) ...go to the dance and see him when I get home.

Lily took a couple of pictures and then they left for the dance.

Scene 9 [The Dance]

The girls made it to the dance with their dates. Shirley danced a little with Carmine while Laverne snuck out a couple of times with Ronny to make - out. Terry danced with Lenny and Squiggy who tried to look up all the girls dresses. By the middle of the dance, Shirley started thinking about her father and wishing that she were home with him.

Laverne: (sitting at the table with Shirley) Boy, I sure am having fun.

Shirley sat in a slump with a dazed look on her face. Carmine sat across the room motionless, his head drooped slightly.

Laverne: Shirl, what's wrong?

Shirley: I miss daddy.

Laverne: Are you being fair to Carmine? He's across the room there and he don't look like he's having a good time. What happened?

Shirley: Well, Laverne, Carmine and I were on the dance floor, and dancing very well I might add. When all of a sudden, the music changes. The band starts playing, "I Love You Because". That made me think of daddy and how much I miss him. He sang that song to me right before he left 3 years ago. I sat down hoping time would speed up. Obviously, it hasn't. I've been here forever.

Laverne: I know you're upset, Shirl.

Shirley: Upset?! Laverne, I am NOT upset! In fact, I'm having a great time! I'll remember this night forever! (brief pause) And for you information, Laverne, my mother and father will be happy again! Conversation over!!

Laverne: Your balloon never lands, does it?

Shirley: I wish I had a nickel for ever time you've said that.

Laverne: And I'm going to keep on saying it until you get it through you BIG FAT HEAD!!

Shirley: MY BIG FAT HEAD? MY BIG FAT HEAD?! Hmmm, well, let's talk about your big fat nose!

Laverne: My nose is just the right size!

Shirley: Well, so is my head, sister! (brief pause) And how about those "L's" on your chest!

Laverne: What about my "L's?!

Shirley: How long do you plan on wearing those "L's", Laverne, huh? Till your 40?!

Lenny and Squiggy see Laverne and Shirley yelling at each other.

Squiggy: Look, Len. A cat fight.

Lenny: Yeah.

They approach the girls hissing and meowing at them. Laverne and Shirley stop yelling and look at Lenny and Squiggy who are still making angry cat noises.

Laverne: What are you boys doing?

Squiggy: You two were having a cat fight.

Lenny: We should've brought mud.

Squiggy: So true, so true. Maybe next year, Len.

Shirley: Where's Terry?

Lenny: Dancing with a Harvard boy.

Squiggy: Not Harvard. Harvey, Crayon.

Laverne: That's Caron.

Shirley: Harvey? My Harvey?

Squiggy: I guess Terry really back stabbed you in the gut.

Laverne: Go away, boys.

Squiggy: We are young men.

Laverne: Go!!

squiggy: We get ya, Laverne. (to Lenny) Come on, Len. (brief pause) Oh, did you bring the water balloons?

Lenny: Mustard and Mayo.

Laverne: Go to Carmine.

Shirley: I can't, Laverne.

Laverne: I know, I Know, you want Harvey. You know what, Shirl? Harvey's too good for you.

Shirley: Well!!

Laverne: You don't have the common descency to go over to Carmine and dance with him. Well, let me tell you something (pokes her finger on Shirley's shoulder hard) Shirley Wilhelmina Feeney... (The dance grew quiet and everybody heard Shirley's middle name)'re not Miss Perfect. and if you're not going to dance with Carmine, I will.

Shirley: Wait just one minute, Laverne! If anybody's going to dance with Carmine Ragusa, it's going to be me.

Laverne: Well, what's stopping you? He's your date.

Shirley walks over to Carmine and asks him to dance. Lenny and Squiggy started calling her, "Shirley Wilhelmeanie" which made Carmine protective of her. He took Lenny and Squiggy outside and gave them each a black eye. Carmine became more to Shirley then just another cute guy who happened to ask her out to a dance. That night became a special night. In fact, after that night, she got a diary for all her special momments to come.

Scene 10 [Shirley's house - The Next Day]

Shirley is in her bedroom reading her entry from the night before. (last night) It reads: "Dear Diary, This is my first entry. Last night,I went to the 6th grade dance with Carmine Ragusa. Things were a little rocky at first, but last night, I found out that Carmine is a sweet and courageous guy. Harvey Caron can kiss a duck. I got my first kiss too. Carmine kisses better than Frank Sinatra. All in all diary, I had quite an experience. P.S. Daddy's supposed to see me tomorrow." Shirley closed her diary. The phone rang and Shirley answered.

Shirley: Hello?

Jack: Hi, pumpkin, it's daddy.

Shirley: Are you on your way?

Jack: Out to sea. I'm sorry, but I got called to port. I'll see you real soon. You'll always be daddy's "Tiny Little Tea Cup."

Shirley: Yes, I know. I love you, daddy.

Jack: I love you too, pumpkin. Daddy has to get back on deck.

Shirley: Okay, bye.

Shirley hangs up the phone, goes back to her bedroom, grabs her stuffed cat, sits on her bed, and cries. Lily comes in and sees her crying.

Lily: Oh, honey, why the boo - boo face?

Shirley: Daddy called to say, he's not coming.

Lily: I'll go make some hot cocoa. You lie down.

Shirley: (she lay on her bed) I'm glad I got you, kitty. You can take my boo - boo's away. (brief pause and sits up) Wait a minute. Kitty? Boo - Boo? I'll call you Boo Boo Kitty! I finally gave you the perfect name! (she hugged Boo Boo Kitty and waited for her mother to return.) [Fades]

Scene 11 [ Shirley's daughtar "Emily's" bedroom]

Emily's eyes are closed.

Shirley: ...and that's how Boo Boo Kitty got his name.

She gets up, puts Boo Boo Kitty next to Emily, and walks to the door.

Emily: Mommy?

Shirley: What is it, honey?

Emily: What ever happened to Carmine?

Shirley: Well, your Aunt Laverne wrote to me some time ago and said that he moved to New York. He's a Broadway singer.

Emily: He sounds like an awfully nice guy.

Shirley: He is.

Emily: Why didn't you marry him?

Shirley: I almost did, once...but that's a long story too.

Emily: Tell me that one tomorrow night, okay, mommy?

Shirley: Okay, sweetheart. Goodnight.

Emily: Goodnight.

Shirley turned out the lights and left the door ajar.

And that's the long awaited story of how Boo Boo Kitty got his name. So if anybody asks you, you can finally say you know the story.


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