The Cindy Williams Show

The Cindy Williams Show

The Cindy Williams Show was a comedy special done in the eary 90's. It was a really funny show so I decided to make a transcript of it for those of you who haven't seen it yet. Enjoy!

Skit I - Outside a burger place

Players: Cindy Williams; Clown Speakers (UNKNOWN)

Cindy drives her car up to a drive thru to a speaker with a clowns face.

Clown speaker: (foreign voice) Hi, welcome to Burger Guy, would you like to try our new chicken boat special?

Cindy Williams: Oh, no thank you. I'll have a, cheese burger, a medium diet coke, and some fries, please.

Clown Speaker: Could you please speak into the clown's mouth?

Cindy: (leans forward towards the clowns mouth; louder) Oh, no thank you. I'll have a, cheese burger, a medium diet coke, and some fries, please.

Clown speaker: Uh, ma'am, with our value pack, you get the exact same thing, but it is cheaper.

Cindy: Okay, then, get me the value pack.

Clown speaker: Okay! Now that's one value pack. Uh, would you like any fries with that?

Cindy: Doesn't the value pack come with fries?

Clown speaker: Yes.

Cindy: Well then why would I want extra fries?

Clown speaker: So, no fries with that?

Cindy: Yes, I want fries, but I want the fries that come with the value pack! No extra fries!

Clown speaker: Uh, I'm sorry. So that's one value pack and extra fries?

Cindy: No. No, extra fries!

Clown speaker: I'm sorry?

Cindy: No extra fries, as in additional fries.

Clown speaker: Yes.

Cindy: As in surplus fries.

Clown speaker: Okay. Ah, I think I understand you now, ma'am. I think, you know, what would be very good for you is the extra big fun pack. It comes with a cheese burger and a coke and two action figures.

Cindy: But no fries?

Clown speaker: No.

Cindy: Why would I want that? I want fries. In fact, I'll tell you what, forget the value pack and just give me the fries.

Clown speaker: So, you want nothing?

Cindy: NO! FRIES!

Clown speaker: No fries?

Cindy: All right, that's it. Let me speak with your manager.

The clown speaker talks it over with the manager. Cindy sits it her car with an aggravated look on her face. The manager and clown speaker get in a verbal fight.

Clown speaker: (another foreign voice) I am Jimmy, the manager, uh, is there a problem?

Cindy: (calmly) Yes, Jimmy, I seem to be having difficulty with one of your employees.

Clown speaker: I'm sorry, you have to talk into the clown, please.

Cindy: (louder) Yes, Jimmy, I seem to be having difficulty with one of your employees.

Clown speaker: Don't worry. He has no purpose. I have your order right here. You just want the order of fries. Nothing else.

Cindy: (stressed) Yes, that's right.

Clown speaker: Would you like a value pack with that?

Cindy put her head on the steering wheel.

Skit II - Cindy's Introduction

Players: Cindy Williams, Bill Hudson, Emily Hudson, and Zachary Hudson

Cindy Williams: Hi. I'm Cindy Williams and welcome to my show. I hope you have as much fun watching it as we had making it. You know, like so many of you out there, I have to juggle a job and a family and sometimes I wonder, how do we do it? So I decided to have one of our cameraman, Gary, follow me around and film what I do on a typical morning before coming to the studio. Let's watch.

Cindy's alarm clock wakes her up, she turns it off, and gets out of bed. Cindy grabs her robe, (silly music starts) gets on a tred mill and falls asleep while tredding. She rushes down stairs, throws her husband and kids some oranges, and tosses them pancakes too. The family raises their hands as Cindy offers them coffee..(thinking that she'll throw the pot their way) She dunks her pancake in the coffee pot and takes a bite. Cindy runs upstairs and brings down a giant yellow crayon and a pirates ship. She does her laundry...(throwing all the clothes into the washer, including the detergent bottle) She reads "War and Peace" while ironing the clothes. (she laughs and cries while reading) She carries the cat upstairs and pounds away on the electric piano while the dog sits and watches her. While coming downstairs, once more, she falls down the stairs from exhaustion. She puts on a long sleeve black shirt, black pants, and a black cap...looks in the mirror and leaves. She gets in her car and drives away. She helps fix a car, looks at her watch, and drives back home.

Cindy: (shutting the door) I forgot to feed the dog.

Skit III - The Royals

Players: Cindy Williams, Lynn Marie Stewart

People are standing outside Buckingham Palace. Cindy is up front looking through binoculars.

Lady: I think that we can get an up close look at them today.

Man #1: Yes, best close I've ever had.

Man #2: I once saw the back of Princess Di's head.

Cindy takes the binoculars from her eyes and looks up at Man #2 She tthen puts the binoculars back up to her face.

Lady: I once saw the Queen mum walking her corgies.

Man #2: Really?

Lady: She didn't see me, but I did see her trot.

Man #1: With her corgies?

Lady: Yes, right along side of them.

Cindy looks at the lady with her mouth slightly agape.

Lady #2: I was once at Windsor and the Queen mum waved at me.

Everyone: Ooooh!

Man #3: I was there too.

Everyone: Ahhhh!

Policeman: (approaching the gate) Come on, come on. Back up, back up. You'll get a chance to look at them. Back up.

Cindy: (high shrill) Well, that's no fair! (crowd backs up) Oh! It's always the same, isn't it! (to lady) Do you think we can get a good look at them from here? (looks through her binoculars)

Man #2: You won't get a good look today, I'm afraid.

Lady: Your first royal watch?

Cindy: Yes.

Man #4: You from the states?

Cindy: Yeah, I'm sort of a royal buff.

Man #2: (laughs) Are we all.

Lady: You were smart to bring those binoculars.

Cindy: Oh my goodness. Oh my gosh! There they are!

Everyone waves and screams with joy. The lady takes Cindy's binoculars, while they're still around her neck and looks through them. (nearly choking Cindy) Cindy gets them back and the gentlemen to the opposite side takes them as well.

Lady: Aaah! Oh my God! It's Princess Diana!

Both Cindy and the lady screamed, "Princess Diana" and waved, while still being choked.

Man #2: Good God! They're coming this way!

The crowd pulls back and then pushes Cindy to the gate. Everyone gets out their flowers and holds them up. Diana approaches them and begins shaking hands. Cindy is scrunched on the ground and finally is out of site. You see Cindy jumping up and down in the very back. She leaps onto the crowd, tries to take Diana's hand, but someone yells, "The Queen!" and Cindy is carried off by the crowd.

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